When your children are young, getting through all the bedtime routines and settled into bed can require the discipline and energy of running a marathon and can seem to last about as long! After a long, tiring day, my wife and I sometimes just wanted to get bedtime over as quickly as possible so we could have a few quiet minutes to ourselves before we collapsed exhausted into our own beds. Bedtime with our young children was a necessary, daily routine. It was another parental chore and duty. But over the years, we discovered that bedtime can be much more. It can be a warm, rewarding family ritual.
In fact, people have known that for a long time. In Deuteronomy, ch. 6, where Moses instructs the Israelites about their spiritual responsibilities for their children, he specifically mentions bedtime ("when you lie down"). Israelite parents were to use that time to remind their children of "the things of the Lord": His blessings during the day and his work on their behalf.
Our nightly bedtime ritual with our sons includied a soothing bath followed by a Bible story (on Mom or Dad's lap), a brief prayer, a hug and a kiss good night. There's some thing very special about the closeness we shared with our children at bedtime that not only warmed our hearts but opened theirs.
BARRIERS MELT AT BEDTIME
More than once, we had days when it was necessary to seriously discipline one of our young sons. But that barrier melted at bedtime. No matter what had happened that day, he wanted his bedtime hug! At bedtime, we could talk quietly about the day's problem and discuss how to please God in the future. Even when he was nine years old and "to big" to sit on my lap any other time, he'd gladly do so at bedtime. For him, bedtime was clearly more than just a nightly routine.It was a daily ritual, filled with all the spiritual and emotional power of other famiy rituals, such as celebrating family birthdays and Christmas.
A bedtime ritual is a special way to affirm and build a child's undestanding of your great love for him and the ever-present love and care of God.
SECURITY AND STABILITY
Our bedtime ritual always included a story from a children's bible story book with lots of big, colorful pictures. We knew that these bedtime Bible stories could teach our sons about God's love and care. The stories (and the lessons they taught) would be linked in our sons' minds and hearts with the special warmth and love we shared at bedtime.
I used to get so frustrated at having to read my son the same story every night for a week or more. For me, bedtime had become just a routine. But for my son, the same story, as part of a set of predictable bedtime activities performed in the same order each night, meant security and stability. Everything was familiar. His mom and I were there. We could be counted on to take care of him. He was loved and secure and he knew it.
When the lights go out and parents leave the room, a young child can be very frightened. Bedtime prayers are nightly reminders of God's dependability, unceasing love and care. Children can rest more peacefully knowing that God does, indeed, care for them during the long, dark night.
AM I REALLY SPECIAL?
Bedtime is also a time for emotional nurture. Those few minutes spent with each child individually provide a daily answer to a young child's often felt but seldom voiced question: "Am I just one of the kids around here or am I really someone special in this family?" Feeling loved and special to parent is the basis for a child's understanding about how greatly loved and special she is to her Heavenly Father.
I tried to be part of bedtime with my sons as much as possible when they were young. It began as a chore for me but I quickly discovered it was a very special time. No matter how busy I had been that day, the time spent with my sons at bedtime brought me great satsifaction and joy.
The presence of both Mom and Dad at bedtime helps build security, also. On those occasions when I couldn' be there to kiss him goodnight, my younger son would always say, "Tell Dad to kiss me good night when he gets home."
CREATIVE ROUTINES
Because of job responsibilities, some parents may have to be creative in how they make bedtime a special ritual for their children. I know a single mom who was especially determined to nurture her son's spirit at bedtime, despite having to work the night shift. Every evening, she calls him around bedtime--on her break. In about 10 minutes, she listens while he fills her in on his day. She reads him a brief bible story and prays with him before the baby sitter puts him to bed. In a real sense, her son knows she is "there" with him at bedtime.She has affirmed her love for him, even though she must be at work.
Some parents give children different bedtimes. Even if the bedtimes are only 10-15 minutes apart, that allows time for a parent to snuggle, pray and focus on each child individually (though I readily concede that different bedtimes may stretch out the bedtime "marathon" even more!).
OLDER CHILDREN'S RITUALS
Now that our sons are grown, we usually can't stay up until their bedtime! But we've noticed that they still have bedtime rituals, of sorts. Often they wander into our room as we're getting ready for bed. Sometimes, they just want a hug. Sometimes, they just want to talk, to tell us what's going on in their lives and hearts. We're glad for the opportunity to hear these things, so we listen. But sometimes, we also have opportunities to offer encouragement and advice in "the things of the Lord" along with our love.
Bedtime with young children can surely be a difficult, daily routine. But for thousands of years it has also been a wonderful daily ritual by which Christian families nourish the spirits of their children, and their own in the process. Bedtime is a real gift of God to both children and their parents!
(c) Richard Patterson, Jr.
This article appeared in the December 1999 issue of PARENTLIFE magazine.
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