"Santa Claus is coming to town". It's music to the ears of children but when our first child was born, it became unwelcome noise to my wife and me. We intended that our family would ignore Santa and celebrate Christmas for what it really is--a celebration of Jesus' birth.
We soon learned that good intentions only go so far. It seemed as if everyone was asking our sons, "What did you ask Santa for?"."Have you been a good little boy for Santa?" And from mid-November on, every store we visited had a santa (or two or three). Ignoring Santa clearly woudn't work. He was everywhere!
And every so often, I'd get this strange desire to mention Santa myself. It welled up within me, riding the wave of nostalgia swept along by memories of my own childhood Christmases on the farm where I was born. I remembered the crisp, cold air; the bright, snow covered fields; going to the woods to cut our own tree, decorating it with tinsel until it turned silver and then waiting impatiently for Santa to arrive. So many of my warm childhood memories of Christmas -- memories I wanted to share with my son -- were bound together with Santa. How could we ignore him?
We couldn't. And even if we had tried, our son was already an expert on Santa by the age of 4. My wife and I knew we would have to first somehow deal with Santa if we were going to help our son learn the true meaning of Christmas.
So we had to confront the hard questions head on. Just what would we tell him about Santa? If we tried to ignore Santa, would it feel like something was missing from our Christmas celebration? Would our son feel "cheated" when he got older? Worse, would he be labeled as "wierd" by his friends? How could we give Christ his rightful place at Christmas and deal with Santa as well?
We resisted the temptation to go on a crusade against Santa. We knew that stern lectures about the "evils" of Santa Claus wouldn't make much sense ot a young child. How can a generous man who loves children and gives them presents be "evil"?
Instead, we decided to adopt a more non-confrontational approach. We decided to gently but firmly de-emphasize Santa whenever the opportunity arose, while focusing most of our efforts and excitement on celebrating the birth of the Christ child. That way, we hoped, it would be clear to our son who was really the center of our Christmas celebration.
ASKING THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS
By the time that he was 5, our sons noticed that there were santas on every corner (and if he hadn't, we were ready to point that out). And he began asking questions. "Which one is the real Santa, Daddy?", he asked. That's when it's helpful to ask questions right back. "What do you think? A real person can't be in a lot of different places at the same time, can he?"
"And how do you suppose that Santa can visit all the houses of all the children of the world in just one night? I don't think any real person could do that, but a pretend person could , couldn't he?"
"You know that Santa is supposed to go down the chimney, but Jimmy's house doesn't have one. I wonder what happens then."
Young children have a marvelous ability to believe in magical behavior, but questions such as these plant seeds of doubt in a child's mind--seeds that will eventually take root and bear fruit.
Pre-school children also have a wonderful ability to blendfantasy and reality; but as they grow they are gradually able to differentiate between the two. Sometimes, they just ned a little help. Gentle questions can provide that help.
When reading to my son, I could stress that Jack of "Jack and the Beanstalk" or Paul Bunyan could do things that real people (like Mom and Dad) couldn't. With carefully worded questions, I knew I could hurry along his developing ability to understand that not every person we talk about is real; some "people" are just pretend.
When your child begins to ask questions, that's the best time to help her understand that Santa is a "pretend" person (like fairy tale or cartoon characters), not a real one (like Mom and Dad). You can make a game of it sometimes. When reading fairy tales or her favorite book, ask "Is Curious George real or pretend? Are Mom and Dad real or pretend?"
SANTA IS JUST 'PRETEND'
After children are regularly able to recognize pretend people, there's no harm in them joining their friends in pretending about Santa Claus. In public, we sometimes made a game of it. My son enjoyed "pretending" we believed in Santa. We'd exchange a wink as we secretly went along with people--adults as well as children--and pretended Santa was real.
Of course, some parents really enjoy having their children believe that Santa is real. So while we didn't forbid our son to share his new opinion about Santa, we did stress that if other children's families wanted them to believe Santa was real, it wasn't kind to argue with them. He was grown up enough to know the truth, we explained. (He liked that idea!). Someday, the other children would know the truth, too.
There's no danger in children pretending about Santa as long as they understand that's what it is. Fantasy and pretend are a fun and healthy part of childhood. The danger to children comes from our insisting that Santa is real long after they begin to suspect otherwise.
But your child, like mine, might want to know "where Santa came from". That's a good opportunity to explain that Santa is sometimes called "Saint Nick" for Saint Nicholas, a fourth century Christian known for his great kindness and generosity. That leads very naturally once again to discussing the true meaning of Christmas.
FOCUSING ON THE CHRIST CHILD
Santa is pretend but Jesus is real. He was born that first Christmas and is alive today. Making that wonderful truth real to our son was the second part of our strategy. Along with helping our son discover that Santa is "pretend", we began to practice a benign neglect toward him, mentioning him casually and only when it was unavoidable. At the same time, our family focused our energies and attention on enjoying the many wonderful Christmas traditions that honor the living Savior.
Most of these traditions were simple but our son enjoyed them,. nonetheless. He had fun opening the little pockets of the Advent Calendar we used every day during Advent. Each pocket contained a bible verse. When our sons (we have two) were old enough, they would read the verses to the rest of us.
Family worship rituals help children focus on Chrsit at Christmas. Some families gather on Christmas Eve to read the Christmas story from the Bible. As the children are able, each takes a turn reading, or each takes the part of one of the various persons in the story. And, as our children grew, we enjoyed the tradition of going to a special Christmas Eve worship service at 11:00 p.m. When we came home, it was already Christmas! Even as children move into their teen years, they still need the regular reinforcement of Christmas traditions that keep them focused on Christ.
Every parent knows how children love birthday parties. What a special way to celebrate the birthday of the King! You can have a birthday cake, sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and play games, too. The children can even give some special gift to Jesus, such as promising to help an elderly neighbor or giving a portion of their allowance to missions or the needy. This isn't an original idea but it does stress an important truth. After all, you don't usually have a birthday party for someone who isn't real or isn't alive to enjoy it.
GIVING, NOT JUST GETTING
Santa is a cultural symbol of the way we celebrate Christmas. The emphasis is primarily on "getting". Yet for Christians, Christmas is just the opposite--a season for giving. We wanted our children to know that not only have they been given the greatest gift of all, God's son, but that it is, indeed, "more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35)
Many traditions can help parents drive home that truth. Often churches have "angel trees" that list the names of needy children. Families can then purchase Christmas gifts for them. Children sometimes use part of their allowance or money they've earned to help buy those gifts.
Some families we know have adopted a child through Christian humanitarian agencies such as World Vision or Compassion International. In addition to to sending a gift, they send the child a hand made card with personal Christmas greetings from each member of the family.
Other families arrange to visit the local children's hospital and bring small gifts to children who are hospitalized over the holidays.
Our family has had our own special traditions of giving, too. For a few years we gave a gift certificate from a local grocery store to a needy family in the community that had young children as we did.
For many Christmases, we signed up to serve Christnas dinner at the City Mission. Recently, we helped serve almost 1000 meals in about three hours! We were all pretty tired, but we came away with a sense of having trurly honored and served some of those whom Christ called "the least of these" Matt. 25:40).
These traditions have helped our sons experience personally the blessedness of giving. Also, I believe that such experiences helped them understand the difference between "want" and real "need".
Over the years, the clamor about Santa and "What am I getting for Christmas?" seemed to fade from our son's consciousness a little more each Christmas.
Of course, our children were growing up but I think it was more than that. I believe it had even more to do with our emphasis on Christ-centered traditions and rituals and our own example of gently neglecting Santa. These proved to be effective ways to drown out the the clamor about Santa and help our children hear more clealy the "glad tidings of great joy" that are truly their greatest Christmas gifts.
(c) Richard Patterson, Jr.
This article appeared in the Dec. 2000 issue of HomeLife magazine.
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