"Time Outs" can be effective in teaching a child self-discipline and they are an increasingly popular tool of discipline, but like any "tool", they should be used wisely and carefully if they are to produce the desired results. Here are a few brief guidelines for using time outs.
1) USE THEM AS DISCIPLINE, NOT PUNISHMENT
Time outs provide a break when a child is out of control; a chance for the child (and you, too!) to calm down and regain control. It breaks the chain of undesreable behavior and provides your child an opportunity to think about their choice of behavior and its consequences--so they can do better the next time. And isn' that your goal?
2) USE THEM SPARINGLY
Reserve them vor major problems, when they are really needed. Any tool, if over used, gets "dull" and loses its effectiveness. Sometimes, just distracting your children or separating them will accomplish yur purpose, especially with younger children.
3) IMPOSE THEM QUICKLY
Don't let the situation get totally out of control before employing a time out. Stop serious misbehavior quickly.
4) LIMIT IT TO APPROPRIATE AGES
To benefit from time out, children have to be old enough to understand why their behavior is unacceptable and why they are going into a time out. So time outs are rarely effective with children below the age of four. And it can be use into the early teen years to help a young teen sttle down, think about what they're doing and learn self discipline.
5) WATCH THE CLOCK
A time out should be long enough to achieve its purpose but not too long. Because you're using it as a tool of discipline, not a punishment, you want the child to complete it successfully with a minimun of struggle. Know what your child is capable of. Don't make a time out so long they can't successfully complete it. The "one minute per year of age" is a good general rule to follow. As children learn to think about and get control of their behavior, time out can even be a somewhat positive experience.
6) CHOOSE THE LOCATION CAREFULLY
The best place for a time out is some reasonably quiet place where the child can , indeed, settle down and think about the situation-a quiet, even boring place like a corner or stairway (and where siblings aren't hanging around!). Today a child's room often has too many fun distractions (TV, video games, computer) to be effective.
7) REMEMBER TO 'FOLLOW THROUGH'
When it's over, "let by gones be by gones" Tell your child you appreciate her cooperation. Then, re-direcrt your child into a new, more constructive activity. The biggest mistake many parents make
is letting their child come right back into the same situation he just left--and then, go right back into the same behavior!
8) USE THEM WITH GOOD TIME IN
Time outs work best when used infrequently and as part of a warm, positive system of discipline based on simple rules, reasonable expectations, clear consequences and lots of praise and encouragement!
With those guidelines in mind, you can find time outs as a very effective tool in helping your child become self discipined.
This CONFIDENT PARETING TIP was taken from pages 204-208 of "CONFIDENT PARENTING IN CHALLENGING TIMES: Essential Convictions of Highly Successful Parents" by Richard Patterson, Jr.
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